Sarah Bamford Seidelmann was already exploring the intersections of creativity and death in her work when her mother died. Now she shares how those connections came together on a personal level.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann M.D.was a fourth-generation physician living a nature-starved, hectic lifestyle until a walrus entered her life and changed everything. She’s a Shamanic Mentor and the author of several popular books including her memoir Swimming with Elephants and a daily devotional How Good Are You Willing to Let It Get? Critics are saying her new novel, Where the Deer Dream, is “Enchanting!”
followyourfeelgood.com
facebook.com/FollowYourFeelGood
instagram.com/sarahseidelmann
Buy Sarah's new book! Also, listen to the next episode to hear all about it. (No spoilers, promise!)
Amy Hallberg 0:00
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann was my very first guest on this podcast back when I started out. And she's just one of those people who inspires me. She helps people to tap into their creativity, true stories, and face death, and grapple with the deeper mysteries of life. Well, not so long ago, Sarah faced those lessons herself in a really personal way, when her mother passed away. So I wanted to invite Sarah on to talk about her experience of the connection between creativity and mourning.
You're listening to Courageous Wordsmith, Episode 57. This podcast presents conversation with and for real life creatives on how we find and keep walking our unique paths. I'm your host, Amy Hallberg. Welcome to my world. Today, I'm talking with Sarah Bamford Seidelmann, on how she has experienced the very real connections between creativity and mourning.
So today, I have Sarah Seidelmann with me, and I'm super excited to have you back on the podcast, Sarah. I've been just a fan of all the creative things you've done for quite a while and I wanted to talk about that, because you have such a juxtaposition between death and creativity in your work, and you make it accessible for people. And I think that's kind of an important thing for us to talk about.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 1:42
Thank you, Amy. I'm super excited to be here. And I'm glad you want to talk about death because most people don't want to talk about it. It's one of those, as Martha Beck calls it in her new book The Way of Integrity, one of those do not mention zones.
Amy Hallberg 1:56
Right? Right. And yet, today as we record this, it's the day after the one year anniversary of George Floyd's murder, and we're coming off of COVID. It's kind of hard not to talk about death, it kind of feels like.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 2:10
Yeah, yeah, I think this has been a year of reckoning for a lot of things, concepts, ideas, it was time for them to die. And it was time for a lot of good things have been reborn. I mean, like I was just at Target. And I saw, there were like five volumes of poetry in the Target shopping area. It might even been more than that. But I was shocked. And to me, that's just amazing. Like how much beautiful artwork has been created in this last year. That poetry is kind of having this revitalization, which to me is wonderful. It's a good sign.
You know, I always think about—so I was a German major, which means I read a lot of German poetry, like I was a literature major. And there was a poem that I've always remembered that talks about how facts and figures aren't the thing that counts anymore. That's when love can come back to the fore. I mean, it's a translation. But it's it's that like, when we're so up in our head with all the facts and figures, there's no room for poetry.
Yeah, and I think poetry is really what helps us find our way back to ourselves when we're really feeling lost at sea and really feeling. I know, for myself anyway, like Mary Oliver has been one hoots, like her words, just kind of are that balm for the soul. You know, when you're feeling confused, and afraid maybe, like I think all of us were especially at the beginning of COVID, before we knew what it all meant. And maybe some of us fear lasting all the way through it even until now. You know, there's still a lot of that going on.
Amy Hallberg 3:39
You mentioned Mary Oliver. And that was a poem somebody actually, when I was at the end of my teaching career, and I, my career was dying, but I did not want to admit it. And somebody handed me The Journey, the Mary Oliver poem, and she said, Read this. And it's basically the one life you can save, which is not all the other people around you. But please save yourself. Because you're here for a reason. And you have a thing to do on this planet. And this isn't it.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 4:05
And it's your job to figure that out. Like nobody can do it for you. And you can't really save anybody else until you figure out your... You can't save anybody else anyway, but you can't really help anybody else until you, yeah, help yourself.
Amy Hallberg 4:21
One of the things I love about your work is how playful it is. I mean, you delve into some pretty deep topics, but it's also very playful. So one of your projects that you have is these cards. Do you want to talk about how you created them? Because I don't think you even meant to create them. They just kind of almost came out of... What, play or what?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 4:43
Yes, they really did. Well, they came out of this project called, it was 100 Day project. And for those of you who don't know what those are, you can look it up, the100dayproject.org or just Google it. You'll find information about it but it was this idea that a Yale professor created this assignment for students years ago, where he just said for 100 days, do one creative act. Do it everyday for 100 days. Make it short, make it somewhat challenging, and interesting. But do it. And I thought it was really, I'd watched some other people do these projects. And finally, I committed to do one. And mine was, you want to pick something that's really juicy and fun for you. Because 100 days is a long time. It's like a third of the year. For those of you who are math specialists out there. And so I wanted to, I had been missing spending time with my spirit animal, Alice. So there's this I have this picture. She's got a framed paint portrait right on my desk. Alice and I hadn't, I've just been so busy that I hadn't spend time with her. So I thought, well, I'll visit her every day and receive a message that can be shared with the public, you know, a helpful spiritual message.
Amy Hallberg 5:52
And to just cut in and say Alice is an elephant.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 5:55
Yes, Alice is a spirit, an elephant in spirit form. So she was like, that sounds wonderful, when I asked her, of course, I wasn't gonna like put it on. I was just, of course, I asked if she would like to do that. And so that's what I did. And so every day I would visit her by listening to a drumming track. For those of you who are shamanic fans, you might know that when you listen to a drum with a specific type of beat, maybe I'll give a little sample...
You kind of alter your consciousness, and you can access these spiritual realms where these loving and compassionate beings dwell. And so anyway, I went every day to visit Alice, which was wonderful. And she shared a little bit of wisdom that that I could pass on to people. And I've just created a piece of art using public domain art to share that. So I was thinking, well, maybe we should, should we draw card now? Well, let me I'll show a few of the images. So these are all like public domain. I mean, I wasn't an artist creating these but I was just using public domain art—this is the backside of a card—to create these cards that kind of signified, somehow the image sort of reflected what Alice was saying. Okay, I'm going to draw a card. Okay, so everybody who's listening, set your intention that the perfect card is going to come up for you and for me and for Amy. And here we go. So the card that is drawn is this beautiful bouquet of vintage flowers that have been like amazingly illustrated and deep beautiful colors of burgundy, and blue and pink, and the message is "Wisdom brings peace." And here's Alice's words. "How can you tell the difference between the rubbish products of your overworked mind and divine guidance? The first will often feel mildly manic, unsure of itself and sketchy as hell. The latter will always bring peace and not infrequently deep belly laughter." And then Alice's prompt is, "Where in life? Do you need divine guidance right now? Have you asked for it?" She's always reminded me that like, we have to ask if you want help, or we want wisdom, we better ask. And then the, the prayer is "Dear God, please guide me in everything I do and say." So what happened was I started posting these and you know, people really enjoyed them. And I kept getting comments. And one weekend, I went to run a workshop. And I didn't post anything that weekend, and somebody messaged me, in a panic on Saturday like, where's Alice's message? I really need it today. And I was like, oh, we'll get right on that on Monday, but, and I just didn't realize that people were really enjoying them and starting to kind of rely or look to Alice for these messages. And so eventually, I decided to take some of those images and create a deck of cards. And then I hatched it into a 365 day book where we took Alice's message for the day, but then I also reflected on it in my human, you know, with my own human foibles, and things like that.
Amy Hallberg 8:58
I think that's such a good point. Because it's a trip wire, right? You talk to spiritual people, and there's almost this pressure to like, be not human anymore, and not own the humanity of who you are. And it's kind of dangerous, because the whole point is to access your humanity.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 9:15
Yes, I think those of us who are in the healing coaching, you know, self helpy sort of genre of jobs. It's like, it can be a real trap to be like, oh, I'm light and shiny all the time. Like we have to be really aware. I've learned that I need to be aware of my shadow and where it wants to you know, where it's coming out to play and yeah, and it's so much more fun when we're like honest and much funnier also, like, oh my gosh, like as soon as they snap pictures of my messy house to just be like, yeah, you know, this is the this is the evidence of a creative life. Sometimes it doesn't look so good.
Amy Hallberg 9:52
Well, and a lot of us, those of us who are creatives and life coachy people we came up in the world as perfections. We were really good students, right? Like and good students are trained to showcase their perfection. It's a lot funnier when you can laugh at it. But it's not funny until you get to that place.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 10:12
It's absolutely true. I have a great story about perfectionism. Would you like to hear it?
Amy Hallberg 10:17
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 10:18
I was just in Peru doing a lot of sacred plant medicine ceremonies, with a shaman who's a dear friend there. And one of the nights that I went to this medicine ceremony, my intention was to explore what it's like to be free from perfectionism, because, you know, I just know perfectionism dogs, me, it keeps me from sharing what I'm really thinking. It keeps me from like, publishing things. Lots of stuff. I mean, I'm pretty courageous. But there's that desire that to be perfect is really still there. So what does it feel like to be free from perfectionism? So the night starts out, it's pitch dark. And, you know, the medicine, the medicine that was being served that night was ayahuasca, so it was served and I said, boy, give me a small amount so that I can, I was supposed to be her assistant that night, because I just want to be able to like stand up and also help you. She was like, no problem.
Amy Hallberg 11:09
While on Ayahuasca.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 11:10
On ayahuasca, right? Because it makes you feel, for those of you who don't know anything about it, it makes you feel very dizzy. And yeah, it can be quite incapacitating. Anyway, so the evening starts, and she comes over to me, and she's like, Sarah, she's like, can you can you play a song for us? You know, and it's pitch dark. And I've got my ukulele and I'm like, oh, yes, I'd be happy to but can I use your headlamp because I need the this little red light because you don't want to put bright lights on when people are in a ceremony. And anyway, she couldn't, I couldn't use light because she had so I was like, Okay, I'm going to try to do this in the dark. And it was such a disaster like I started to play because I'd play this song 1000 times. I mean, I know it, like I know it, but I couldn't get my fingers to coordinate. Finally, I just put the whole ukulele down and I finished acapella. And I was like, Oh my gosh, that was horrible. But whatever moving on the next thing she's like, Sarita, can you help me there's this there's a guy over there who needs assistance and no problem. We sort of stagger over to this person and I'm like blowing tobacco smoke on him doing you know really trying praying for him helping, you know, just doing everything I can think up to assist him. And then I'm like, I should check in to see how he's doing. I don't want to startle him, so I'm gently searching in the dark for his shoulder just to kind of gently nudge him and ask him how things are going. And I realized there's nobody there. I have been healing a pile of blankets for like the last 10 minutes. And Luzma said it was hilarious because she said at the time, I looked up and saw you know that he was at the door waiting for me to assist him to go outside. I was like, oh, I haven't helped her at all this is so terrible. And I was like, I'm gonna sing a song. Now I've got one. And I start, I forget the ukulele, I knew I couldn't do that. So I just started my acapella song, I was like, this is so great, it's going so well. And all of a sudden, the other assistant comes up to me and he's like Sarita, please stop singing. Luzma is trying to sing like, the shaman is trying to sing. And you are, basically singing over the shaman is what I'm doing. I mean, the most horrifying accident that I could ever imagine anybody doing. Like if I saw somebody do that, I would just be so embarrassed for them. It was so up, and we laughed so hard about it, but this is like, and it was such a kind of, that's the way the spirits teach you. You know, like, that's what it's like to be free from perfectionism. Because the whole night I just sort of laughed and went like, oh, boy, you know,
Amy Hallberg 13:28
Do you mind if I contrast with another story I've heard you tell where the timing was perfect?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 13:33
Yes, please.
Amy Hallberg 13:34
So here's an interesting thing, when it doesn't matter. The universe has this great sense of humor, and it plays with us. And it does these things. And it teaches us, right? But I also know you lost your mom this past year.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 13:47
Yes.
Amy Hallberg 13:48
And everything was absolutely perfectly timed. The music, everything, all came together perfectly, because that was what was required at that moment, at the edge of the veil. And I would love to hear you talk about that if you'd be willing.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 14:04
Yes, absolutely. So for probably like the last four or five years, I had been drawn to studying death and dying. And I thought it was just kind of part of my path because you know, when I was younger, I had been diagnosed with malignant melanoma. I'd faced my own death, you know, pretty young.
Amy Hallberg 14:23
How old?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 14:24
When I was 19.
Amy Hallberg 14:26
Wow.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 14:26
So I had that experience and found it really life altering. And then I was a pathologist, so for years I did autopsies. One of my most, probably biggest turning points in medical school was taking care of a patient who was dying and realizing that we really didn't have the tools to help them, I think from a spiritual soul standpoint. At the time I couldn't have articulated that but I knew something was like terribly wrong because something was missing from what we were offering this woman and she died and then it was like it was just a terrible feeling. So anyway, I felt really drawn to studying death and dying and went to some wonderful like went to a death doula training, you know? Did all it just would too many in a death and dying retreat of that was shamanicly inclined, anyway created a workshop because I thought this is so beautiful when we face our death, it helps us to live bigger. And I knew that for my own life when I had been diagnosed with melanoma, it strangely and ironically led to a very joyful year that followed because I stopped studying so much. I asked myself like, well, if I'm not going to be here in a couple years, like, what do I really want to do, and I stopped studying so much. And I started like, listening to more Rick Astley and dancing and going out and I joined like the Gilbert and Sullivan opera crew in Scotland where I was living at the time. I mean, I just started having more fun, because I was like, well, hell, I mean, like, if I'm gonna die, like, you know, might as well go out with a bang, you know,
Amy Hallberg 15:57
So kind of gallows humor almost.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 16:00
A little bit, yeah, because it was like, well, that just seemed like my best idea. So anyway, and then, so as I was doing all this training, my mom suddenly got diagnosed with a large sort of lung tumor. I remember at the time, you know, as these things are, it was just very shocking and very upsetting. And she ended up getting this amazing new medicine called Keytruda, which is this new technology that we have. There's a wonderful movie, Google it, it's a wonderful documentary of the creation of this drug, and dogged perseverance, amazing, the doctor who's behind that. And she lived for two years, which, because initially I think when we saw that tumor, it's like, I didn't think she probably had three months to live, knowing, like the old kinds of medicines we used to have, you know, but this new medicine, which basically works with our immune system, to take the brakes off our own immune system, and helps us to heal ourselves, worked for quite a while. But I got to walk with my mom as she, as she faced her own mortality. And then as she eventually, you know, decided to stop doing treatment, and enter hospice. And then ultimately, I got the experience of sitting with her as she was dying. And today I was, it's so funny that we're on this podcast today, because I was just, I drove my daughter to the airport at 5am. And somehow my mom, I was like thinking, Oh, my gosh, my mom would be so proud of our my kids right now and things that they're doing, and this hymn that I associate with her, you know, kind of popped into my head, and probably like, three weeks before she died, we were sitting on her couch, like looking out the window, and it was fall. And these amazing like, was this maple tree with these like coral colored leaves, and the sun was just beaming. And these leaves were like drifting off the trees. And it was just kind of surreal. And she was going through this box of photos and telling me also what she would like for her funeral. Because at this point, she was just at this place where she decided to enter hospice, which was a real gift for her and for all of us. Because once she did that, she really began to enjoy life again, interestingly, and so she said, well, this there's this hymn that's my favorite hymn and I was like, oh, what is that? And then she was like, showing it to me. And I was like, I think I know it. She's like, Alexa, play, you know, O God Beyond All Praising, you know, and of course, Alexa was just like, oh, you know, and this wonderful hymn came on.
And I'm not a super I grew up in the Episcopal Church, but like, hymns have never been my jam. But as I listened to the words, like in that moment, like watching the, we were sitting together, just watching these leaves fall from the trees, and it's just like, it was the most stunning, like, I can't even barely talk about it, because it was just like one of those moments that was just so precious. And you realize how fortunate you are and how blessed you are just to be alive. And I can't put words to it. But um, that song I'm so grateful she told me that because it's become like this anchor into that grief and like, not grief in a bad way, like grief in the most like, this morning. I was sitting in my office I was like, sobbing and like just crying but it was just pure joy. Just pure joy. Because, you know, I had a mother who loved me and I feel her all around me all the time. And that, that hymn even if you're not a Christian or anything like that, but it's just this song about like, life. There's so many blessings and there's so many challenges, but we're kind of willing to have this joyful duty of living. It's kind of a funny song. I mean, but it's like things may be bad or they may be good. But in any case, it's a blessing because we're here and we're alive and like, and we're grateful for that. And you can always find something to be grateful about. So that was probably like three or four weeks before she died. And as she grew closer to death, as people do, they, they finally kind of withdraw. So she probably stopped talking like maybe two days before she died and just got... and it just looked like she was sleeping, you know. And I remember we were just kind of exhausted, my dad and my sister and I were just trading places and alarms were going off constantly cuz we're trying to give her medicine and all these things. And I went down to take a nap at like 10 in the morning in the basement and my dad came down like maybe half an hour later. And he said, I think her breathing is really slowing down, you might want to come upstairs. And so I came upstairs and like, I got out my ukulele. Because one of the things I learned, I hope this podcast isn't too hard for people to hear, because this is me bawling my eyes out. But I learned about like, one of the old traditions in many cultures is to sing people home, you know that this idea that music can carry us. And I am not a perfect ukulele player as we just learned from that story, but also like, I'm just not, but I had the songs that I've been learning. And it was just so beautiful. Like, again, sitting with her and just playing this music and watching, I pretty much watched, I played the music. And then probably 5, 10 minutes before she died, my sister, knock knock, walks in the door, my dad was, we were all just there. And my mom always made sure everybody was included. We laugh because of course, she would wait until my sister was there. And we just sat and watched like her, it's hard to even explain but watched her life force just kind of recede from her body. It was almost like it was leaving from her feet all the way up to her head. And then it, was so natural. It was like watching babies be born in reverse. You know, it was kind of that same thing, you know, just a natural process.
Amy Hallberg 22:04
I think if somebody has never been present for death, you know, like never been it's a scary thing. And we don't want to do it. You know that yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. But when you're there, when you're that close to it, there's so many moments like that, that are just so present. So what, dialed in, I think that we in this culture have pushed death so far away. And yet, there are things that happen right around somebody's death that unlock little pieces of the universe, you know?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 22:43
Yes, and teach other people about life and death. And we, a friend of mine and I started a death cafe up in our city in Duluth. And I'll never forget the first meeting, like we just randomly put it at a cafe downtown. I thought well who's gonna show up at like, two in the afternoon, we might get a couple people. We had like 23 people show up. And I wish we would have recorded it because the stories that got told that day were so incredible, and that every single person that had witnessed a death had like a profound teaching to share with everybody. It was absolutely amazing. So I agree. And I think that's one of the things I learned in the death doula training and other things is like, the beauty of taking these things back into our homes and back into our hands, like the traditions of just even like preparing the body, washing the body after the person has died. Like I can still remember washing my mom's body and like, and I was so grateful that I had the permission and the confidence to do that. Like, we had a wonderful hospice person that was there with us as well. But I had had practice doing that through this training I had done and it was so special. Or doing home funerals. That was another thing we did. After we came back from my death doula training, my daughter who I brought to the airport, she brought me home from the airport. And I told her I said, Katherine, when I die, I'm really excited because I would like you to have a home funeral for me. It's so cool. Like, you just put the body in the living room and I was telling her all about it and like you can put flowers on it and it's just like amazing. And people could play the guitar and like have a potluck. She listens to me and she just without skipping a beat, she's like, that's not happening, Mom. Not a million years. You're going in the cooler like everybody else. Which is just like hilarious. Obviously I don't care what you know, obviously, it's whatever they want to do. But with my mom, we had a home funeral and it was COVID. So what I had known like, I didn't know it was even legal to do that. So in the state of Minnesota, you can take your loved one home if they're not already home, you can have them brought to your home from the hospital. And if it's warm and summery, you know, you can get blocks of dry ice to put beneath the body to preserve it, and we did do that. But that was probably the most special thing. I can't even explain it. Like, how many times have you gone to a funeral and seen the person there with like all this strange makeup on in this strange shiny case that feels so foreign and bizarre and like, I don't know, maybe scary for kids, whereas having, you know, your grandmother, just lying in a bed where she always has been, you know, my mom wore this beautiful, like kimono. And I remember my friend Susie was there. We were trying to figure out what to do. We like fixed her hair. And then I was like, Suzy, I'm not good at makeup, like you're good at makeup. And she's like, I'll come in, I'll help you. I'm like, great. So I was like, here's all her makeup. And we were just looking, and she goes, girls, I think the rule is less is more here. Less is more. We just put a little bit of blush on my mom and a little bit of lipstick. And it sounds really strange. But she looked so beautiful. And then we covered her body with all these flowers from her own garden. And she looked like this amazing goddess. I mean, I still have pictures, which I haven't shared ever, because I just feel like, I don't know how my dad would feel about that. But anyway, they mean a lot to me. So yeah, taking these things back into our homes I think helps us and helps our kids. It helps people to grieve. I mean, my son sat with my mom alone in the living room. So many people had conversations with my mom, because, you know, they could shut the door and just go hang out with her, you know, and it's just incredible. And most you know, wisdom traditions say that when people die, they linger. You know, their spirit lingers for several days, you know, it varies from the tradition, but I just feel like that feels like the right thing. Rather than having the body be like in a cooler somewhere. I mean, obviously, everybody's got to make their decision. And it's not for everybody, but for those of you who are listening in are excited about that, it's possible.
Amy Hallberg 26:54
I know that you spent your whole medical career as a pathologist, so you wouldn't have to face people who are going through death. And so like to come full circle that what you needed to prepare you to face death was creativity and sort of this, like the music and the clothing and the flowers. I mean, like it was all about the art.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 27:34
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like all my major, like, it feels like all my major initiations in life have been about facing death and realizing, you know, just realizing deeper things about that and what that means. But, definitely, I guess one of the big ties for me in the work that I do now is that many of us will, I'll just speak for myself, like I find myself doing things like, or in the past, I'm more aware of it now, but in the past, like, I find myself doing things that I feel like are not bringing life to me that are life killing or life sucking. I don't know, like compulsively eating food, when I'm not hungry, binge watching things that really don't interest me that much to avoid something, I can think of a million things: shopping, creating chaos by like deciding to have to move or I need to do this or that or the other thing. And what I've learned is one of the things that gives us life that brings more life to life is being creative, like expressing ourselves. And so many of us avoided or say we don't have time for it or put it off for retirement or some rainy day when you know, when our ship comes in or when we have more money or when whatever the story is that we're telling ourselves, but when we allow ourselves to express ourselves creatively is just there there's a wonderful quote from Brenda Ueland, like there is nothing more like enlivening than expressing ourselves creatively and I'm not giving Miss Ueland's quote any kind of justice, but yeah. I did, you were talking about style and fashion, like I did a thing last year called Authentic Fashion February which, I almost didn't launch, it because my perfectionist and my fear of like what will people think? Sarah, author and shamanic healer, is doing style and fashion, like what is this like? This is off brand or what does she think she's a stylist? I actually had this conversation with this part of me that was wanting to compulsively eat cereal, say after work. Like I'd find myself mowing down a bowl of muesli on a Wednesday afternoon. I wasn't even hungry. What I realized is like I was having all these uncomfortable feelings I didn't want to process. Like the world's on fire and oh my god, I'm not doing enough or whatever it was, like just distress. And I was eating over it. And so I started to talk to this part of myself using parts work, internal family system parts work ifs parts work, just Google it, you can learn about it. Wonderful.
Amy Hallberg 30:10
I mean, it's basically talking to different parts of yourself that are in, that are just parts of who you are.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 30:16
Yes, yes.
Amy Hallberg 30:17
And talking directly to that little part of yourself and saying, What do you want, right?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 30:21
Yes. And often the parts are young, kind of wounded parts of us that are just trying to protect us from something. And so this part of me was actually like, when I envisioned her, she looked like a woman out of Mad Men. Like she had this cocktail and cookie tray and she was like cookies and cocktails any day. Just she's like, I call her my seductive rationalizer. She wanted to soothe all my pain by, you know, having a glass of wine or having a bowl of muesli. And finally I asked her like, listen, this is kind of wreaking havoc because I want to eat healthfully, I want to feel good. I want to fit in my pants. If I could take care of my feelings and feel them, and you didn't have to deal with that, and you could be free, what would you rather be doing? And she said, well, I want to dress up every day. Now that surprised me. I was shocked. I was like, what? I mean, I didn't recognize that as a part of myself. But I was like, okay, I'm willing to do that. So I started. So I told my friend, Paula, who I walk with every day, and I said, isn't this funny? And she's just like, well... she loves to dress up. She's like... I was like, well, maybe we could like text each other pictures to kind of support each other in the morning when we get dressed up because I at the time, it's all COVID. And I wasn't dressing up for the office or anybody to see, which I'm by myself. So I'm like, got to show it to somebody because it's like nobody else in my family cares. And it was so fun that we finally started this group. And I'm telling you, that group went so deep. It was amazing. We did parts work, everybody dressed up to please themselves, everybody every day. It was so powerful. So I'm glad I had the guts to do it. And I can't wait to do it again. Because it's just it's, dressing up is another form of art like how we choose like, today I'm wearing a pinstripe. I'll describe this because every is listening like a pinstriped seersucker jacket with a pride bright red with rainbows t-shirt and a rhinestone necklace and big strawberry earrings that match the red t-shirt. And I feel really happy in this outfit, you know, and it doesn't matter if anybody else understands it, like you know, abstract art. It's just, it's just for me and to have that courage.
Amy Hallberg 32:28
And yet it's also a really bold statement. Love is love. Like, you know, you feel like I'm wearing this, but I'm wearing it for me but also, I am proclaiming to the world, this is who I am. I'm making my mark. And I'm not shrinking back in. I actually had a moment like that late in my career where I was like, you know what? I'm done wearing neutrals. Like for me now, neutrals? I don't have neutrals, neutrals for me is aqua blue. Turquoise. Like my neutrals are not neutrals anymore, because I can't be scripted anymore. Like it's just it's a rebellion against that whole fitting into these things and shutting off certain topics. And nope, can't do it. You know? And I think if... And I think that that's such a, that's such a, we sabotage ourselves so much, why are we doing it? Because there's a part of us that's just screaming to be heard, right? So you can either live in a really self destructive way. Or you could just go ahead and be a creative person and claim it. And you're going to have a lot more fun that way, I think.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 33:33
Absolutely. And you're going to delight other people, like my friend Paula, who I was just talking about, she was she walked into school. And there were two new secretaries at her school this year. And they were both just like, oh, look what you're wearing. You're so cute. And she's a delight because she spends time thinking about how to put together something interesting. And it's, it's fun. Like we love that.
Amy Hallberg 33:54
So just to sort of wrap this up, what's the biggest surprise for you in this whole journey or like working with people around creativity and death? What's the thing that that surprises you that maybe you'd like other people to know?
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 34:11
Oh my gosh. There's so many things. I think what amazes me is how much potential we have that we just don't even know what lies within us. Like if we never make the space to open that door. So many of us talk about writing a screenplay or a book or creating artwork, whatever it is, making a record but unless we make that space for ourselves, and that could be 20 minutes a day, that's why I love the 100 day projects because they're they're very doable, we won't know and really, here's how I like to motivate people, like, if you don't open that door and you're not willing to become that conduit, it's kind of like saying no to the universe. Because the universe or God or whatever we call this deity this this, this grandeur that we live in and amongst, it can come through you to create something so magical. But if we shut that down or we just say I don't have time, or I'm not ready, it can't. And I feel like that's sort of saying no to life. And once you start saying yes to it, it's like, a lot of doors open and a lot of freedom and you'll find other people that are doing it too. And it's so much fun.
Amy Hallberg 35:20
Thank you so much, Sarah. It's been such a joy to talk with you and I really appreciate it.
Sarah Bamford Seidelmann 35:26
Thank you for having me. Amy. I'm glad you're having these conversations.
Amy Hallberg 35:34
Thanks for listening to Courageous Wordsmith. Today's episode featured Sarah Bamford Seidelmann. You can read about her and check out her links in the show notes. Backstage at Courageous Wordsmith, my editor is the talented Will Quie. And my social media manager is the fabulous Maddy Kelley. If you enjoyed this podcast, you can help it thrive and grow organically. Please subscribe right on this page, share it with your friends, and sign up for Truelines, my letter for real life creatives so that you can stay current with future episodes. And if you're feeling called to write and you wonder how I can help, you can learn more about me at amyhallberg.com. I'm Amy Hallberg and until we meet again, travel safely.